I was planning on buying a heater. That definitely fell under the category of something I would die without. After the third night in a row when I’d woken up from the cold, I realised I urgently had to buy a heater that day. I opened my front door and there was one on the street, literally right in front of my house. I didn’t think it would work. Who throws out a functioning heater in winter? You would at least wait until the worst of the cold weather was over, right?
Before plugging it in, I checked the location of the fuse box in the house, just in case. But it worked fine. In no time at all my room was toasty warm. Thank you, universe.
Then, the other day I was walking to the laundrette when I saw a TV at the end of my road with a note stuck to it saying, FREE TV, GOOD WORKING ORDER. The universe works in mysterious ways. I would rather have had a chest of drawers, say, or even some cardboard boxes to put my clothes in, but what the heck; if the universe wants me to watch The Shire and MasterChef, then so be it.
The only problem was the TV was massive, huge, enormous, and I was already laden with bags full of dirty laundry.
I ran back home, past two men loading up a trailer with furniture from a house a few doors down from mine. I shot them a warning look over my shoulder: they’d better not think about grabbing my TV.
“Quick, I need some help!” I yelled to my flatmate.
“What is it?” she appeared at her bedroom door in her dressing gown, face half made up.
I threw my arms up in exasperation. Why can’t my flatmate be in a constant state of readiness to help me move large items up the street at a moment’s notice?!
I dumped my bags of dirty washing on the floor and ran out the door again shouting “Never mind!” as I went.
Running back up the street I saw a shopping trolley bumping against the kerb. No, no, it would never work; the TV was far too big.
“Excuse me,” I accosted one of the men loading the trailer. He was either moving house or robbing the place. Either way, I guessed he would be sympathetic to my plight. “Could you please help me take that TV back to my house?”
So he kindly loaned me trolley to wheel the TV along the street. It was so big, I couldn’t get it through the front door face on but my flatmate redeemed herself by helping me shuffle it in sideways.
That evening, when I went out to meet some friends, I saw a second TV at the other end of my street smaller than the one I’d nabbed earlier. If only I’d seen one first! I thought, before I could stop myself. I smacked myself on the forehead. What’s wrong with you? You’ve got a free TV! Rejoice!
Obviously the universe must really want me to watch bad reality shows. Either that or everyone’s switching to flat screens.